I've recently learned something the hard way. Children break your heart. It's not their fault mind you that you love them so much. But from the moment you give birth to them, it's like your own heart beating and walking around in their body. This is inconvenient to say the least. Every, and I mean every experience that happens to them, happens to you, only more intensely. I was unprepared for this exhilarating, terrifying, nausea producing roller coaster ride of parenthood. But, apparently, I like roller coasters because I came back for more!
I experienced the euphoria of every successful horse jump my daughter ever took and also watched helplessly when she was thrown off. I agonized with her over every boyfriend breakup, the bad ones and the really terrible ones. Then one day I watched her transform into an amazing young woman with a huge heart who would love and help me transition her three new younger siblings into our family.
Children are oblivious to the effect they have on their parents as they should be, until they have kids of their own and experience it themselves. I know this was the case when we moved to the west coast away from my family. Oh I was homesick alright, but I had no idea I was taking my mother's heart with me to Seattle! I was too busy starting my new adventure. Yet, when I asked my mom how she handled our moving away, she answered, " I knew it was the best decision for your family." She was right. It was. But I didn't know until just now that it's easier to be the one leaving than the one left. It's easier to be the child. Now that my baby girl is moving across the country, it's my turn to be gracious and understanding. I shouldn't be surprised she is leaving, I set the example!
Still, I'm happy and excited for my girl. She is brave and wants to support her husband. How could I not be proud? I know that God has a wonderful plan for her in California and I'm excited to hear all about it. There have been tears and I know there will be more, and I'm not a crier! I love that this is so hard.